Pushing buttons

Given the pandemic situation, I am at home with my kids all the time. So, they think that I am available for them all the time. I have tried to explain that when I am on the phone doing a coaching, when I am on my computer, or when I am giving a yoga class online, I am NOT available for them. I have tried to settle physical boundaries and go to my office every time I need to work or to chat in peace, but this does not make any difference. They just don’t get it.

So, occasionally, I cannot stand it anymore and yell at them… Not really yogi or coach like reaction, right? Of course, afterwards I hate myself for doing that. I call that a lose-lose situation. The last time that happened, I tried to have a different approach and analyze why I had such an extreme reaction. When my kids interrupted me again although I told them that I was giving a coaching session, my mind said, “they do not consider that what you tell them is important”. I felt disregarded as a parent and as a professional. But that time, I chose to act and not react. After my coaching session, I asked them to come and I told them exactly what happened in my mind and the feelings I had. It was a big surprise for them that such a small action could lead to those extreme thoughts and feelings. They told me they understood and since then, they always ask me if I am available before requesting anything.

No one can know what is happening in your head and heart unless you tell them. Too often, we expect people to understand us when we haven’t really taken the time to understand ourselves and to express our needs. So, if you want to see a change in any relationship, this is a good first step.

Do you recognize yourself in this scene? Or maybe you recognize your zebra? Tell me about it!

Post Scriptum: the “ask me if I was available before requesting anything” just lasted for a couple of days… Education is the art of repetition, isn’t it?!

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Bérengère Ferrari

Bérengère Ferrari

Certified professional coach but also a zebra, sister of zebras, mother of zebras, aunt of zebra, cousin of zebras and… friend of many zebras. Told you: we are a herd!

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